REFLECT

reasons why the gay and lesbian estab-

viewpoints lishment has been slow to come to the

EFLECTIONS from the heart

Teens

www.outlineschicago.com

Fight Back

BY MUBARAK S. DAHIR

Life

Can Be Beautiful

BY NORTON KNOPF

What lengths will some hysterical and oh-so-politically-conscious school board members go to in order to deprive gay high school students of a tolerable school atmosphere where they can learn about themselves as well as get an education?

For the horrifyingly dismal answer to this question, all you have to do is

look at the anties going on in the Orange County, California, school

district.

The battle in Orange County is just the latest in a series of disputes over the attempted establishment of gay student groups in high schools. In many ways, the drama being played out in Orange County and other schools across the country is an ageold problem for the gay-rights movement. Hysterical parents and school board members prey on the worst fears and stereotypes about young kids being "indoctrinated" into the "gay lifestyle." Or that kids are being "re craited by older gay people for sex. Or that the clubs will confuse teens too young to know themselves, and push them to "choose" to be gay. Or that it will encourage kids to have sex, or to experiment with homosexuality. All these tired old notions still have to be fought and disputed.

But in another way, the battles at schools are really the latest from tier-perhaps the most important one -for the gay and lesbian civil-rights movement. After all, we often judge societies and groups by how well they protect their children. Historically, gay and lesbian young people have

been neglected, not only by their parents and schools and the social welfare system, but also by the gay and lesbian movement itself. There may be many

I

When my Mom became a widow 20 years ago and announced that she was moving to Chicago to be near me, I was a pretty selfish guy. Although didn't object (being a good Jewish son, except for the fact that I was a faggot), I knew that my life would be changed in many ways, all of which would not be pleasant, ergo, my selfishness. Time proved me correct, of course, and now that she is well into her 90s, and her memory and abilities are curbed even more than they were when she moved here, it is more difficult for me to deal with her. As often as not, she will misinterpret things that I say to her, and believe me not to be a loving, caring person. That I call her several times a day, that I see her several times a week, is not enough for her. She wants even more. She is lonely, depressed and anxious. However, she is not stupid and knows that the end is in sight, and, I suppose, is fearful of it.

In the meantime, I felt great resentment that my life, and my life with G,

aid of our kids. But certainly one of the biggest reasons we have been so reluctant to support our gay teens is fear that those of us who do will somehow be stuck with those old labels of child-molesting, dirty old

men and women.

The time has finally come for the gay and lesbian movement to reach out to its most vulnerable members: young people.

When some students of the El Modena High School tried to start up a gay/straight student alliance there, the school board went bonkers. Decisions about student groups are usually

left to the high school administration,

but in this case, the school board seized authority over how to handle the proposed gay/straight group.

The school board held public "meetings," which turned into little more than excuses for right-wing parents to rant. Then, not surprisingly, in December the school board voted student group its right to form at El unanimously to deny the gay/straight Modena High School.

a

One of the few gleams of light throughout this dark, ugly affair was recent ruling by a federal judge in favor of the students. In his ruling, the judge decided the students stood a good chance of winning their legal battle, and ordered the school to allow the group to meet until the case was heard in court. The legal case is based on an equal access law passed in the mid-1980s that was originally designed and pushed to allow student religious groups to meet at public

schools as an extracurricular activity.

The judge also took the objections of the school and tore them apart, one by one. Most admirably, he chastised the school for its ridiculous assertion that the club would somehow disrupt students and their education there. Indeed, the judge pointed out, it is the traditional harassment and homophobia that are so rife in our schools that disrupt the education of gay and lesbian or questioning youth. A school group that deals with these issues and gives students a safe place to talk about them will only help the education of students, not disrupt it.

But the school board is now trying

were upset. My schedule was transformed in order to be of service to the person who provided me with so much service as I was growing up. I suppose it's a fair trade-off, but one on which I didn't count. I wondered why she felt the right to demand so much.

Now that I've become a widow(er) myself, I have a bit more insight into what's going on with Mom. Mom and Dad were married for 45 years. G and I were "married" for 33 years. Both represent a long time of companionship. When that time ended, I have found, at least for myself and, I suspect for many others, including Mom, that it's not easy to make the adjust ment to single living. A friend, who has been single for all of her 71 years, and I were discussing this the other day. We agreed that those who have lived alone all their lives have a better accommodation to older age than those who have lost their companions after a long period of time.

Mom needs me. She needs to know that there is someone who cares about

OUTLINES Feb. 23, 2000

to do an end-run around the law. Following the judge's decision-and their own lawyers' advice to drop this case they will almost surely lose-the school board tried to pull a fast one. They came out with an odd set of rules that included banning extracurricular school activities from middle and elementary schools. The school board is also moving to require high school students to get parental permission to join any student group, to prohibit discussion of sex in any school-sponsored club, and to require C averages from students who participate in school clubs.

The new rules are obviously a thinly

veiled attempt to cripple the gay! straight student group. Requiring parental permission is ludicrous, as many students grappling with questions of sexual orientation will want to join the school group precisely to help them deal with hostile parents and family life.

And Anthony Scariano, a member of the National School Boards Associa tion's Council of School Attorneys, raised interesting questions about the restrictions on discussion of sex, and

her, and will care for her should she get ill, which happens with some frequency now. On the other hand, I am in good health, but I am 30 years younger than my Mom. I continue to work and be productive. I am some what socially and sexually active (thanks to Viagra!). Still, there are many times when I feel lonely, too.

Mom is from that school which taught her that there is only one mar riage in life. She has never been interested in meeting, or being with, any other man except for my father. Although my thoughts and attitudes are probably somewhat more up-to-date, I, like Mom, am not looking for an other marriage, in the sense of want ing to live with another man. I crave companionship and friendship; true enough. I crave conversations and someone with whom I can share a dinner or a show (although I have lit the time for it, thanks to Mom), and I wonder how things will be for me when I approach Mom's age, should I do so. Who will care about my

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Youth at last Saturday's FUEL

GLBT and friends party, held at Joel Hall Dance Studio in Andersonville. Photos

by Terri Klinsky

how they would be applied to other student groups. Does the ban on talk about sex mean an African-American group couldn't discuss Thomas Jeffer son's affair with a slave? Scariano won dered to THE LOS ANGELES TIMES. Would the Girls' League now be prohibited from discussing dating? And what about Christian clubs that promote sexual abstinence?

If the school board thought its sly new rules were a clever way to subvert the judges legal decision, however, they were badly mistaken. Looks like the school board could have set itself up for even more legal challenges.

An ACLU attorney in Southern

California says the board's actions are likely illegal, because they clearly tar get one particular group: the gay/straight alliance. "It's one thing to enforce a long-existing policy," attor ney Peter Eliasberg told THE LOS ANGELES TIMES, "but it's another

thing to put this policy in after losing in court and taking a bunch of illegal efforts to stop this and then pulling this out of their bag of tricks."

Mubarak Dahir receives e-mail at MubarakDab@aol.com

health? Who will be in contact with me? Who will be my helpmate, should I need one? Mom never gave it a

second thought. She just made me her helpmate without asking. There's no one I can do that to, and I'm not sure I'd want to, even if I could. It doesn't seem fair for me to lay my burdens on another's shoulders. Still, I am more keenly aware of how things change as one grows older.

Life, while still a wonderful gift and full of wondrous things, is not the same bowl of cherries it seemed like in my 20s. There's more in the way of loneliness. I am more emphatic with older people, now, than I was, espe cially those who have lost their mates. I only wish there were a place where older people, especially lesbians and gay men, would be welcomed. Those of us lucky enough to remain alive all face the same future, and similar circumstances. Think about it.

Norton B. Knopf, Ph.D., is a gay paychologist. He can be reached by fax (312) 565-1872, email outlines@suba.com